That's News To Me

I decided to follow the news for a week so I could offer my thoughts on the stories out there. Let's begin...

A 17 year old boy was found to be the Kingpin behind a multi-million dollar drug ring in Cincinnati. 
How do the parents not find out about this? I mean, what are they smoking? (Probably some good shit) Any way, I don't know. It all sounds kind of doobie-ous.

Sewing needles were found inside turkey sandwiches on multiple Delta Airlines flights.
The pilots were asleep during the ordeal and declined to comment. Said one stewardess, "Oh that's where I left my needles." The TSA is trying to stitch together a story. On a side note, police are looking into how sandwiches got on the plane.

Women's IQs were found to be higher than men on average. 
Good, now they can figure out a way to make more sandwiches in a shorter amount of time. It's a win-win for everyone.

Laziness

I don't want to disappoint any of the ten people who care about this blog, but I am getting really lazy with it. I have so many ideas but never do anything with them. After this post I need to get my stuff together and stop being so lazy. I blame the summer and the heat. I should really focus from now on and give you guys funny things (why start now?). So after a few weeks of laziness, next week will be good. Or at least as good as any bar I've set for myself on here. Have I even set a bar for myself? No one can know for sure. (No, wait a minute. There it is. I see it. Man, that's high up. It looks like I picked the wrong day to be afraid of heights.)

How's Your Summer Going?

Summer is flying by very quickly. Lately, the sky has been lighting up like the Fourth of July, because of the thunderstorms that we have had and also the Fourth of July. I've been spending a lot of time on the golf course as a caddie and as a golfer and most of my time at the golf course waiting to caddie. I keep telling myself it's worth it. Other than that, I've been loafing around  and watching TV. Enjoy the rest of your summer and I'll see you next week.

Commercial #1

Do you have pain from an accident? Me too. I mentioned it to adults who dismissed it quickly. That's when my doctor recommended Bayer's Growing Pains Aspirin. For when you're a teenager and no one takes you seriously. Possible side affects may include nausea, vomiting, dizziness, shortness of breath, weight gain, and in sever cases, gas. Do not operate heavy machinery while taking Bayer's Growing Pains Aspirin. Women who are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant shouldn't be teenagers. So when you're all alone, and no one believes you are hurt, take Bayer's Growing Pains Aspirin.

Blogging: Part 2

It's been a little hard to blog lately. I've been hard up for time recently, but I finally got around to it. It was much needed. I realized that I have to keep at it if I ever want to get good and be taken seriously as a blogger. I don't have to rush it, and I'm taking my time to make sure that my posts aren't all over the place. But I enjoy it and it's fun, so that's all that matters. I'm having some of my best ideas, and it just goes to show, that with a little hard work, anything is possible.

Broken Promises

I regret to inform you that the Radio Show is not ready yet. (Awwww!) :( I know you are disappointed but the airwaves were jammed this week and I couldn't record it. So you'll just have to keep and ear out for it in the future. But that got me thinking. I shouldn't make promises I can't keep. Because then I break them and I look bad. So I promise to try not to break promises from now on. Broken promises are hard to fix. I was looking through the book Promises for Dummies and there was a big section on broken ones. It recommended not using a hammer (unless you promised to hammer in a nail but didn't). I didn't read much more than that but I think I know where it was going. It probably said promises are hard to unbreak, and to simply not do it in the first place. Alright, just keep an ear open for the show, it will be ready sometime ahead, I promise!

Complaints to the Chef

Hey, I'm back and... drum roll.... I do have sun burn on my back! I ate at a lot of restaurants with my family while I was away. Now, when you go out to eat with my family, there are a few things that happen pretty regularly. I don't want to call them rules because we don't really follow rules.

1. Expect to not sit where we were first seated because it's too close to the door and/or not a booth.

2. Order something but make a slight adjustment to it.
Can I have a BLT, except hold the L and the T and no mayo?
So, just bacon?
Yeah, sure.

3.Coke, no Pepsi!
I'll have a coke.
Pepsi ok?
Yeah, no, no, no, let's leave. Thanks for the bread.

Stay tuned next week for something that I'm calling The Radio Show!

Gone Fishing

Sorry y'all, I'm on vacation this week. I have been kidnapped by my parents and brought down south, to an area know as Myrtle Beach. Its ok, if you like hot weather, the beach, and grits. I will be refreshed next week and probably sun burnt. In the meantime, take this week as an opportunity to review my earlier posts and maybe say which one is your favorite. Ok, I'll see you next week, I have to go relax now.

Happy Memorial Day!

Happy Memorial Day, the unofficial start to summer. Please honor our fallen veterans by eating lots of hotdogs, hamburgers, and cheeseburgers. If you have a pool, open it. It is our nation's right to have the freedom to splash wherever, whenever, and whomever we please. But above all, it is a day of remembrance. And if you forget to remember, don't worry, you can try again next year.

I'm Not McLovin It!

To Whom it May Concern,

It has been brought to my attention by an astounding number of people (let's say 2) and an even more astounding number of people (let's say 10) that I resemble the character McLovin from the movie Superbad. I don't see it. They tell me I have his look and mannerisms. I look at myself and ask "Am I some 25 year old Hawaiian organ donor? No, I don't think so." You see, no one's McLovin. McLovin's never existed because that's a made up dumb f!@#$%& fairy tale name.

Warmest Regards,
Charlie

P.S. If you thought this was going to be about McDonald's, I apologize for the confusion.