The Wooden Anniversary

Five years ago, I sat opposite my friend in his car coming back from the airport (the details of why I was at an airport are unimportant to this story, but let's just say it was my cousins Bar Mitzvah). I asked him quietly that if I wrote a blog every week, would he read it? He said yes. (He said "YES!" It was so romantic.) All of my other friends said yes, too. So that Wednesday, I wrote my first post, an introduction to blogging, where blogging could be replaced by masturbating. I was dying to write some of my funny ideas down in little paragraphs, since none of my college engineering classes offered that outlet. Now, here we are today, five years later, and I'm still writing a blog, but none of my original friends read it (as often as they did before). I'll get the ever popular "oh is it new today? I'm like three weeks behind." And thats fine, because it's reached a much larger audience over the past five years, as my number of friends on Facebook has probably doubled.

A lot can happen in five years. That was like, more than one black Presidency ago. We are now electing a new president, not because we want to, but because we have to. And I'm a different person too. I've fully embraced my funny side and gone from timid and depressed architect/engineer to performing improv, writing/performing sketch, and even performing some of the pieces I've written on here. The one thing that hasn't changed is the reason why I do this. It's good to be able to freely post something that I think is funny every week, pretty anonymously, because that way I get the practice, and some people get two minutes of enjoyment from something I've written. Practice makes perfect after all. So what really bugs me is when, much like the last couple of months, I miss a week's post. When I'm apologizing to you, I'm more apologizing to myself. You don't care. I care. I set a discipline and couldn't stick to it. That's not cool. So that's not going to happen anymore. I promise.

Now, on to lighter and happier notes. The fifth year anniversary is the wood anniversary. Google recommends a mountable, romantic wood carving. That doesn't quite apply to this. Better luck next time Google, ya dumb piece of shit. However, if any of you want to send me small scraps of wood, I would welcome it. I can add it to my pile. I make my own zen gardens. I actually find that to be the relaxing part, so then I throw out the zen garden. Once an unconventionalist, always a person who does things differently from others. So there's that.

What else? I guess what's different this year is that you can see me running all over New York doing comedy and delivering food. And I'm involved in a lot. Like I'm about to start directing my own sketch comedy show that I've written. So that's cool. But that's in January. So we will work up to it slowly.

Something I've been knocking around for a while is a hacky sack. Also, the idea of publishing a book of some of my favorite posts on here, with little comments throughout, so it's different from this but the posts are the same. Like anytime Stephen King releases an updated and expanded version of The Stand. I fall hook, line, and sinker for that shit. So maybe some of you will too. We'll see. I'm going to start that manuscript this week. I'll let you know about the process as it happens.

I'm doing improv, taking a sketch acting class, working a full time and part time job, and living life dollar to dollar. But that's New York for you. It's the city that doesn't sleep (because it can't afford rent anywhere either). Actually, New York does sleep. It dozes off on the train like the rest of us at 3:00 am. Now you know.

Here's to the next five years and the five years after that. I would light a cake but the smoke detector in my apartment would go off, and also I can't afford cake. Can somebody pay me to do this please? Please? No? OK fine. See ya next week then!

P.S. I found an about the author section for that book about blogging that I was writing. I've included it below:

Charlie Shulman used to live in New York but now resides in Brooklyn. He continues to blog in his free time because it's a good way to waste a couple of minutes. He has blogged all over the U.S. and even internationally. Blogging will always be his first love. His hobbies include civil engineering and tying cherry stems into knots with his mouth. He has two cats, but doesn't exactly know where they are.