New Year, New Elements

Happy New Year!!!

Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to get technical, if I may (not actually asking your permission, it's just a saying). I've been known to enjoy the sciences every now and again (this is just the first you are hearing about it). I'm a fan of mathematics, physics (regular and quantum), biology (macro and micro), geology (big rocks and small rocks), astronomy (big stars and small stars), astrology (big mediums and small mediums), but the one I've always rebelled against is chemistry. I mean, I'm more of a rebel than Rebel Wilson. I'm more of a rebel than Anakin Skywalker in a room full of little padawans. I'm more of a rebel than a positive electron in a room with another positive electron. (Wait! I'm being informed that the "correct" word is 'repel.' Ugh, but if I change it, then the whole joke is ruined. So I'll leave it in, and I'll let the two people who read this every week attack me anonymously over the internet.) See, I know chemistry!

But what I want to share is actually not my doing at all. Scientists in Russia, Japan, and America have discovered four super-heavy chemical elements to finally complete the seventh row of the periodic table. (How heavy are they? They are so heavy, it takes four body builders to lift one element onto the lab table. They are so heavy, Joel and Ethan Cohen are writing a movie about them. They are so heavy, when they sit around the house, they sit "around" the house. It's pretty impressive to see that, even in 2016, we are still filling in the periodic table and making the education of our children more complicated. (Back in my day, we only had to worry about a couple elements on our walk to school: cold and heat. And it was uphill both ways!)

And speaking of impressive things, I'm so glad that scientists are considering more modern names for these elements. It's about time we have elements with names that we all understand. Don't believe me? I'll share the names with you below:

113 - Ununipadium

115 - Ununadeleium

117 - Ununstarwarsium

And of course 118 - Ununtrumpium.

And just remember, these elements only last for a split second before decaying into other elements.