Everything changes at some point. I hate change, unless it's the money kind. I love that change. What I'm talking about is all of those little stupid things that we do every day that we think are set in stone. "I have to go to work." "I have to make dinner." "I have to take the trash out for a walk and throw out the dog." You need to be prepared for change. Now, I'm not saying you should go all "Doomsday Prepper" on your family and friends, saying things like "We need water and supplies for when things change," and "That knife's not big enough for the two us when things change." That's weird. I mean the little things. I believe it was the Brady Bunch who's said it best when they said that "something suddenly came up." Yes, I'm talking about the things that suddenly come up, a term I'll be referring to as a "life boner" from here on out. The unexpected bloopers of life. You know, those unforseen circumsatances.
There are two types of people in this world. People who are wondering why I've spelled the two aforementioned words wrong (but spelled 'aforementioned' correctly), and people who are drunk from playing the People Say I'm Funny Typo Drinking Game (see below) while reading this blog. If you're of the former group, I'll tell you why I'm spelling those two words wrong. If you're of the latter group, go see a doctor, you may have alcohol poisoning.
The words come with a story, a real life boner of a story. As we all know, I've been looking for a job. To apply for jobs, you need a résumé and a cover letter. I have both (barely) and was told to make them in Adobe Indesign by my friend because you can format things easier. That's fine, but Indesign doesn't have spell checker. Autocorrect wants nothing more than to change what I've just written. Microsoft Word wants to do it too. Indesign was like "Go f@$# you'reself!" See, my résumé is fine but my cover letter, sent out to tens of different companies, contained the words unforseen circumsatances instead of unforeseen circumstances. No wonder jobs don't want me!
What a life boner, huh? That was there the whole time, and I didn't notice. What am I, an idiot? I think people would laugh when they read my cover letter, you know, for longer than normal because of the typos. Imagine the possiblities (also written in my cover letter, as opposed to possibilities) if it was spelled correctly. What do you do when you see something like this? It's a little, tiny, small problem that needs fixing. You have to fix it. I've since fixed it, and it doesn't seem to have any effect. See what I mean? Typo or no typo, that is the question. But I guess I'll just persevere. Because as the old saying goes, when life hands you boners, you make bonerade. (Bonerade is the name of the all female improv group that I'm coaching.)
That's the saying, right? I think it is. I hope you had a happy Memorial Day. It's the unofficial start of summer. Ah, the summertime, when I just want to sit in a park and levitate a rock. That's what the summer makes me think of. I hope you got to relax a little. Sometimes, that's all you can do. Have a great week!
People Say I'm Funny Typo Drinking Game Rules
1. Take a shot every time there is a typo.
2. If two typos appear one right after the other, take two shots and shotgun a beer.
3. If more than five typos appear in a single post, let me know so I can fix them.