The Bar Code

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "A barcode is an optical machine-readable representation of data relating to the object to which it is attached. Originally, barcodes systematically represented data by varying the widths and spacings of parallel lines, and may be referred to as linear or one-dimensional." Did you just memorize the first part of the Wikipedia article on barcodes? How do you know that? Anyway, yes, that's true, but the bar code that I'm referring to is more of a code of conduct to be adhered to at the bar. Let me stress that the list I'm about to give you is not complete because I blacked out before I could finish it. Just kidding! It's not complete because I don't have enough experience in bars (because I always black out). Maybe I can finish it later. In other words, when I know more, you'll know more. Let's begin!

1. Always improvise! The answer is always "Yes, And" when talking to a girl. "What? You're studying communications? Me too! What a coincidence!" And then see how far that can take you. Hopefully, it takes you all the way. 

3. Slap a $20 down at the bar when you arrive. This way, the bartender will recognize you every time you come up and you never have to tip again. It's a win-win.

4. Don't pregame! Alcohol has a tendency to make you pee. It's a natural diuretic. Personally, I don't think men should be allowed to pee when drunk. There should be some physiological shutoff. I mean, we miss the toilet when we're sober, for crying out loud! When we're drunk, it's like giving a fire hose to an arsonist. We're going to spray it everywhere but where it needs to go. And we're going to take pleasure in it.

7. Green Apple Smirnoff + Apple Cider = GOOD

8. Don't get a shot as your first drink! Get something that you can nurse awhile. It will work out better in the long run. 

9. You can never go wrong with a solid beer. I'd recommend a Yeungling or a Victory.

14. 4 tequila shots is too many. The saying goes "1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, floor!" But more appropriately, it should be "1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, toilet!" 

20. Never friend a girl on Facebook whom you are sleeping with. Don't DTR it! That's define the relationship. Ambiguity is your friend. 

I will finish this list at some point, don't worry. I'm still learning and growing. Here's to 2015! Cheers!