It has recently come to my attention that the way one dresses matters in other people's opinions of said person. Does it? You know clothes are just an improvement of a loincloth, right? Or better yet a bunch of loincloths of the same color sewn together? I don't get it. We should all be comfortable. That's why I'm announcing the grand opening of my premiere clothing emporium, Charlie's Closet. Here is the manuscript of the radio advertisement that I took out.
Come on down to Charlie's Closet Emporium!! We've got a little bit of everything you'll need to wear clothes. You want khakis? We've got khakis. You want jeans? We've got khakis. You want sweatpants? Light gray or dark gray? You want watches? We've got one Nike+ Fuelband, where our slogan is, "Yeah, there's a watch in there somewhere. Did you try pressing the button?" And if it's shirts your're looking for, well, look no further. You can get one in any size as long as it's a large. Long sleeve, short sleeve, you name it. And have you heard of our shoe selection? Sneakers and boot galore. We're located in the bedroom of a heavily painted apartment building. For a limited time, everything in the store is 100% free. That's right! FREE! Zero cents. You just have to pay a service fee that varies by product, as low as $2.99. But act quick, because come trash day, EVERYTHING MUST GO! So come on down, and dress the most comfortable you've ever dressed in your life, no matter what your friends think. Because remember, everyone is different. (Cash only.)