Long time fans of the late Chris Gethard Show will tell you that Chris had a feud with Vacation Jason. I argue that there's a worse man to feud with. He's hell bent on fighting me to the death, but I won't give in. I won't let him get that satisfaction. Of course, I'm referring to an incredible foe named Vacation Charlie. Everyone hates Vacation Charlie.
Financial institutions love Vacation Charlie. He's got tons of credit cards in different area codes and that's good for the banks. Keep 'em guessing as to which fills up first. Like that carnival game where you shoot water and make the horses move forward. Cause this guy has no limit when he's on vacation. The limit used to be the sky, but now he's invested in SpaceX, so it's not. No cost is too costly, no card too full. Skydiving for $1000? Seems fun. Every excursion possible on a cruise? Take pictures. Food that costs more than your rent? Leave no leftovers. This guy's on vacation.
When Vacation Charlie gets back from vacation, and becomes regular Charlie again, that's the point when it's all fun and games until someone loses a buck. Oh the bills! For some reason, Vacation Charlie is just a different animal. He has no regard for tomorrow. I've tried to reason with him, but geez, I can't really find him. We are the same person and can only occupy our body one at a time. By the time I wake up from vacation, it's too late. He's gone, only leaving a pile of sand and receipts behind him.
I guess I'll say it. He's my alter ego. The Jekyll to my Hyde. The Thelma to my Louise. The Scooby Doo to my Shaggy. I'd like to throw him down a flight of stairs, but I'm afraid he'd say we can afford the medical bills. He's lying! Don't listen to him. Take away his cards. Just send him on vacation with like $50 and a couple books. He'll be fine.
Shhh! Shhh! I set up a trap and I'm trying to get him to fall for it. It's a box balanced on a stick with a Delta Airlines gift card underneath. I'm gonna pull the string and see if we can get him. He's right underneath it. Thwack! Got him! *lifts box*
What? He's gone. And so is the gift card! In it's place is a receipt for two mohitos and a hotel room. Godammit! Back to the old drawing board. I'll get you one day, Vacation Charlie. One day....