Dizzy Dizzy

 "Kids, have I ever told you about the time that I was dizzy for a week and a half? No? Good. I thought I may have, we've been sitting here for like 11 years or something, I think. I... What?... No, who gives a shit where your mother was. This is a better story. Anyway, I went to bed gently toking on some old, old Mary Jane that actually still worked, surprisingly, but not as well. Side note, you're much to young to mess with that stuff. Stay in school. When I awoke, I was dizzy. The walls were doing that inception thing where they fold in on themselves. It was the morning, and I didn't think that I was still lightly high from the night before. I did get really excited, briefly, because kids, I thought I was goddamn Leo DiCaprio. When I looked in the mirrors, I realized I wasn't and got scared because we only had one mirror. So why we're there 4 of me? Hold on, here's a commercial."

"Barney, Robin, Lily, and uncle whats-his-face were all at work, doing whatever it is they do, we never found out. Anyway, this dragged on for a day and I got worried because it was worse the next day, almost like I dropped a level in Inception canon. What I decided was that I needed to see a doctor, so I went to my PCP. She tested me neurologically, which meant we played patty cake for a couple of minutes, from which she reasoned that I was fine. How she got all of that from my hands touching hers is beyond me. Then, she looked me in my two eyes and I looked her in all 8 of hers and she said 'Haaavvveee... you had vertigo before?' I said 'No' and she said 'You probably have that. Let's get you sea sickness pills and an MRI.' Another commercial break, kids. It pays for that couch you're on."

"Where was I? These stories tend to drag on with no real point. Oh yeah, the MRI went fine. I'm ok and my brain is unremarkable, which I tried to argue wasn't true, but the doctors shut me down. It's funny, I got the MRI way after I stopped being dizzy. The dizziness lasted for a week and a half and then disappeared. That was a week and a half of feeling buzzed, which I'll tell you about when you're older. As quickly as it came, it went, like Barney and one of his nightly guests. No explanation given. It put the 'go' in Vertigo... Ok, sorry, I'll get on with it. We never actually found out what made me dizzy. Let's call it stress. Kind of like the stress you feel while you wait for me to tell you how I met, well, my wife. She was my wife before she was your mother. Did you know that, kids?"

Roll credits.