Existential Alley

Every performer, content creator, artist, and Times Square Elmo will, at some point, ask themselves this very question: Am I doing enough? I happened to ask myself that question this weekend, as I walked from my 9 a.m. improv show back to the train so that I could get ready for the last three of six performances that I had to do this past weekend of A Midsummer Night's Dream. Remember that? You thought that that was over? Nope. Still going. They are actually doing it right now; I believe casts R and S are about to take the stage.

You see, even the busiest of performers get filled with doubt. Is this good? Am I giving this my all? Should I be doing more? All of these questions aren't really ever present in my head, as I'm the best at everything. But this weekend, they managed to squeeze through. Is it general self-doubt, that nagging presence that we all hate so much? Or is it a different kind of fear? Is what I'm doing going to be seen by an audience that is a little less "intimate" than the ones that I've been performing for? Should I stop asking rhetorical questions?

It's hard to answer any of these questions with more than one word: maybe. Saying maybe is not saying yes, as any improv teacher will remind you. But it is something, and isn't something better than nothing? I don't know. I'm feeling existential right now. I guess it'll pass, but there is a disturbance in something. I feel weird. Anyway, let me end this the way every scene in A Midsummer Night's Dream should end: I shall chide downright if I longer stay!!