Help! iPhone and I Can't Get Up!

Let me tell you a little story. Monday started out like any other. I woke up on time, left the house on time, and was actually slated to make it to work earlier than I've been getting there. That's weird for me because I don't like going to work. Anyway, the thing that was a little off was that my podcasts wouldn't download to my iPhone. My p-casts, my casties, my on-the-go convos. This had me worried. "Daddy's gotta have his podcasts," I said aloud to a train full of people. Some people turned and looked. One lady shielded her child's eyes and ears from me. But I was worried.

I was using the wifi that the subway provides, which, lets be honest, is good wifi. Fun fact: the wifi is actually faster than the trains. Learned that on a Snapple cap so it has to be true. Well, the other true thing was that my cell phone was started to glitch and lag in its responsiveness. "That's even odder," I said to a nearby rat chewing on some electrical cables. He shrugged. Now, I was worried.

I then watched helplessly as my phone ran the entire gamut of problems that one could have. You name it. Screen wouldn't turn on. Screen came on all white. Background image came up stretched and distorted, no icons. Phone would not unlock. I could receive emails but only here that I was getting one. It called my ex-wife. All of the problems.

After two hard resets and a little praying, I got the phone to turn on, still with lagged responsiveness. I checked to make sure everything was ok, and lo and behold, it was, save for the fact that I lost all of my text messages. All of them except for the most recent thing you texted me and maybe something from way back in 2015 for no reason. Also, my texts recipients are now frozen in the order in which they were when The Incident occurred. Pretty weird, right? I exclaimed "F$&@ me!" at work, loud enough that a couple people looked over and one person asked "Really?"

Texts shouldn't hold any valuable information. They are just for quick bursts of thoughts and ideas. I mean, it is my preferred method of conversation, second only to podcasts, which I was able to download by lunch time, using the nearby mall's wifi (not as good as the subway).

All in all, I guess things are ok. I will need to sync my phone to my computer and update the software to see if I can get this thing back to working the way it's was designed to. I guess it had a mini stroke. Good work, Steve Jobs. You built in the option for our phones to be really lifelike and actually have strokes. What will your teams think of next. Whatever it is, it'll be different. Think different.

That's my story. Share it with your friends. Especially iPhone users. Let them know that our phones can and will fail at some point. And to not take it for granted that the most recent text conversation goes to the top. I now have to scroll to find people. But, that's life. Scrolling through until we find someone. Damnit, Jobs, you've done it again. I've had it with your life lessons. They are annoying. Please stop.