There's two questions that you can ask me where the answer is always yes. Those are "Are you farting?" and/or "Did you just fart?" I don't know what's wrong with me (probably my diet), but I have a constant stream of gas. I'm like the embodiment of the Dakota Access Pipeline. We should mine me for natural gas. I'm thinking about replacing National Grid as being the sole supplier of gas to New York City. Someone let me know if this is something that I can do. I've been looking for a new job.
Although, it is the one thing that makes me hesitant about changing jobs now. Because I've spent all of this time customizing, getting used to, and farting in this desk chair; to change it now would be a pointless. Although, maybe I'm just thinking of the sunk cost fallacy, or as I call it, the stunk cost fallacy, which says you shouldn't consider time and money spent doing something a reason to stay involved with it. But, I digest (not properly, I'm assuming, based on the smell).
I've mastered every type of fart. Silent, silent but deadly, silent but lively, monotone, monosmell, cute, and crop duster. It's my own built in defense mechanism. Like comedy. Anybody walking behind me is subject to a fart in their face. And also my comedy in their face. Both are enough to scare people into walking the other way. One day I'll finally find a way to harness this power and use it for good. Let's just chalk it up to another superpower that I have. So until next time, this has been Methane Man saying Peace!!!