'Has Spring Sprung?' And Other Myths Debunked

Well, as the snow (ice) from last week melts, you can be sure of one thing: it's springtime (for Hitler (Donald Trump)). On this first day of spring, I'll be doing some topical joke notebook cleaning, so enjoy these several zingers that will feel oh so relevant to exactly right now, this moment. 

1. Eric Trump and Lara Lea Trump are welcoming a new baby boy to the family. Lara wanted a girl, but all of the men in the family told her hat it wasn't her right to choose.

2. Some people are upset at the fact that the new Beauty and the Beast features a gay character. I'm not that upset because I realized that he only starts out as a bear. He eventually becomes a straight prince again.  

3. Metrocard fares in New York have recently risen to three dollars per ride. The MTA says they are using the extra money to "at least buy each passenger dinner" before screwing them. 

4. Rachel Maddow released the first and last page of Donald Trump's 2005 tax returns last week. This week, she plans on releasing an old Wendy's receipt that she found in the dumpster behind Trump Towers.

 5. The Big Bang Theory has been renewed for two more seasons and a spin-off. I had a feel that that universe would be forever expanding.

Next week, I'll have a lot to say, as I am taking radioactive iodine on Friday to finish off this cancer for good. I'll let you know if I develop super powers, multiple arms, or anything of that nature. It'll be a glowing review of the process, I bet. Hehe. See ya next week.