Alright, folks, this is it! We've got a storm on our hands... and soon our streets and lawns. Winter storm Stella is supposed to make this city so white that it could pass as a Trump supporter. Because if you ask me, white out conditions are what Donald Trump's wet dreams look like (aside from the other wet dreams where women pee on him).
The city of New York is shutting down like a Windows 95 computer; unexpectedly in the middle of the night. And I for one am so happy to have an adult snow day. (Adult Snow Day is also a porno film I'm working on, where men do coke off of the women.)
A snow day as an adult is the best because you don't have to worry about homework or nothing. Just straight up watching TV and jerking off... er, I mean blogging. This is what my wet dreams are made of (literally). Anytime I don't have to go to work, I'm as happy as the government when they are looking at us through our microwaves.
Wow, I'm feeling political tonight. Maybe that's because all nonessential government employees are supposed to stay home tomorrow. That's me!! The day they do anything to make me feel like an essential government employee is the day Donald Trump gets impeached! (Shit! I forgot peaches at the market. Ehh, they probably didn't have them anyway...)
All markets are swamped with bread and milk buyers. Cause that's the important stuff. Trader Joe's was so cleaned out I thought they were going out of business. I said Trader Joe's? I hardly know her... Joe's. That's a stretch, which is exactly what I was doing as I reached for the last red onion on the shelf right as an elderly woman swiped it. (P.S.A. Check on the elderly tomorrow. They may have onion breath, but it's the right thing to do.)
Trains are already messed up. It doesn't take much for the MTA to say "Screw it! You do it!" and walk out of the train. It's like the weekend over here. We got A's where Q's go and F's where J's go. Utter alphabet nonsense. (Alphabet Nonsense is my improv team, doing sold out shows right on the street corner of 33rd and 8th. Look for us!)
I'm all stocked up for a huge snow day, so I'll await my Stella like I told my friend "Get whatever is good at the bar." This is supposed to be a good one. And if anyone is against snow tomorrow, I hear there's a rally march on the 20th that will do a world of good. #notmysnowstorm
Anyway, as the snow comes down in sheets, I'll be three sheets to wind (I have a lot of alcohol at home.) See you on the other side of the storm. #AngelicaElizaandStella (Hire me Lin!) Stay safe everyone. You got this. #HowStellaGotItsSnowBank