Today, I want to talk to you about eye contact. I realize that the title gives that away immediately. I'll try to work on burying the lead next time. Now, as we all know, eye contact and idle hands are the devils play things. That's just a fact. Personally, I like the devil. I'm not a satanist or anything, I just like the color red... and fire... and pagan virgin sacrifices. Ok, I might be a satanist. Anyway, to borrow a popular phrase from the English language, my point is this; Eye contact will make or break you. Let me mansplain this to you.

A lot of the time, eye contact is a sign of aggression. Like when you look at a dog (dog reference #1), stare at people on the subway, or stare at people in prison. Also, much like in prison, don't call people bitches (dog reference #1.5) on the subway. Very scary!

I want to speak about the happier side of eye contact, though. Eye contact is one of the most intimate ways to get to know someone, aside from sniffing their butt like a dog (dog reference #2). Eye contact can creat amazing connectivity, be it on stage during improv or in the bedroom during sexprov. Eye _______ (whoops! My contact fell out...). Eye contact tells you things about people that they can't tell you about themselves. It's like looking into their soul and trying to create a scene off of the suggestion "the zoo!" Too many sleeping cats.

Finally, I believe that there is another type of eye contact. That's the type of eye contact that you make with the outside world. One of my life mottos is "see and be seen." I'm about to give you the only tip that you will ever need to get into show business. If you don't have a pad and pencil or your mouse at the ready, then you aren't hungry enough. If you are hungry, go and make yourself a success sandwich. A success sandwich is just bread, tomato, turkey, coleslaw, bacon, success, and a second piece of bread. That's more of a success club deluxe, but you get the picture.

Ok, here is the real advice. If you want to be seen by the world, the world needs to see you. Make eye contact with it, if you will. Leave your room, your apartment, your house. Go somewhere. Cause the world won't find you at home. Go out, look people, dead in the eyes, and help them. They will, in turn, help you. That's all I can say. If I haven't seen you, I don't know who you are. Sometimes, even if I have seen you, I still don't know who you are, but that's only because I bad with names. I'm bad with names is my way of saying I'm selfish.

Have a good week, and I hope to see you somewhere. Let's make eye contact, then love. Then do improv. Yes, and eye contact. See what I did there?