Today is the first day of school for most kids and adults. Everyone tells you to go to school. "Learn something, stupid! Soak up some knowledge." Then, you graduate from high school and you have to go to college. "Oh, no one will care about you if you don't go to college," they say. Then you graduate from college and everyone says "Congratulations on finally finishing schooling! Now that you're done, go back to school and get a Ph.D, masters, or something." And so you do that too. And you're one million dollars in debt by this point. And then you say "Now what?" And they tell you to find a good job to pay back all of the money you owe. And you say "Ok, alright." Because you don't know much. Well, you know a lot, remember all that schooling? But you don't know what's out there. What's life like? What's a good job? Where do I get one of those? You don't know. And so you find yourself stuck, right where you are, frozen in place, like Gotham City in the movie Batman and Robin. The moral of this story is to be your own masked vigilante. Save yourself. Just no guns. That's the one rule.
If you're looking to watch me save myself, I'm doing sketch comedy this week at a show called Hey We're Cool. It's at L'Etage in Philadelphia. You should look it up and come check it out. It will be really funny. See ya there!