5 to 9

I believe that everyone figures out what they want to be in life between ages 5 and 9, specifically about age 7. It's weird how it happens, but it just does. So you might say that, from 5 to 9, we all know what we want to do from 9 to 5. Ha ha, you're very clever. That's funny. But go ahead, ask a 7 year old what they want to do with their life. If you can get them to focus, they might actually tell you something realistic, aside from being a cowboy, an astronaut, or a trial lawyer. So you're asking me, "Charlie, at age 7 did you know you wanted to be a comedian?" Good question. No, I did not. I wanted to be a writer. I had ideas for stories and comics, but I couldn't get anything started. Or more appropriately finished. Over the years, I abandoned those ideas to fall back on my strengths, like math. I'm really good at math. You can count on it. And science. I know science write down to the molecule. And sucking up to teachers. They all adored me, and most still do. 

So now I've got a fancy degree from a fancy university. I couldn't be farther from writing if I was trapped on a desert island naked. Now, during college, I struggled a lot at first (one, two, many Hawaiian beers - keg beer chased with Hawaiian Punch), but as my liver devolved, my sense of humor evolved like a level 36 Charmeleon, cracking smart-as-a-whip, fiery hot jokes with a quick attack. And it was then that I realized what I could write. Comedy. And I liked it. A lot. It's very rewarding to have someone laugh at what you say or write. Some people want to change the world. I just want to make you forget about the world for a couple of seconds. You can either continue worrying, or you can view the world through my sarcastic, jaded, "I'm 22 but the world owes me a Cadillac" persona that you've come to know and love. I'm just here to be silly, have fun, and be happy, no matter how cliche that sounds. Because life is short. Our time is borrowed, like a loan. And you can take those two things to the bank.