Let me tell you a story. I was at home last week, catching up on every television program ever made, when suddenly I heard...

(knock) (knock)

Startled, I asked "Who is it?"

A very raspy, whispering voice replied, "Ya."

Hmmm, Ya... Ya... I pondered, trying to see if I knew a Ya. I didn't, and asked "Ya who?"

"Google is better," it hissed slowly.

I opened the door, but no one was there. "Ya?" I asked, my word fading into the cold fall air. No response. I closed the door, and sat back down to a paused episode of Modern Family. I was about to press play, when again, I heard...

(knock) (knock)

"Who is it?" I screamed, sounding slightly terrified.

"Doctor!"

The word rolled off its tongue like a cement brick. Now, I was afraid. I could probably use a doctor right now, I thought. But wait! My mind was racing like a banana wielding Donkey Kong. Which doctor? The family doctor? The heart doctor? The nose doctor? "Doctor who?" I questioned cautiously.

"The Time Lord," it hissed.

With that, I perked up. "Oh, I love the show. I'm a big fan." I swung the door open eagerly, with a pen and piece of paper, ready to get me an autograph. To no one's surprise, no one was there. "Show yourself!!" I screamed. The response was underwhelming. I closed the door, feeling like James Bond in a tornado: shaken and stirred.

I decided to leave for a while, to get away and hope my problem wouldn't follow me. So here I am, writing to let you know what's going on. I just hope that...

(knock) (knock)

"Who... who is it?"

"Boo." it hisses

"Boo who?"

"Don't cry, it's only a joke! Ha... ha.... ha..." Devilish laughter fades into the darkness.

"Too late," I sob.

HAPPY OCTOBER!!