Did you miss me? Come on, admit it. You did a little bit, right? I don't know why I ask you questions I'll never know the answer to. Anyway, I'm back. Sound the alarm. I'm rested and ready to go. Actually, I did some traveling over the break. I flew right before Christmas and just after New Year's. This might be controversial, but I don't think airline food is as awful as Seinfeld will have you believe. At least, the kosher meals aren't. Planes are still small and cramped, unless you have the luxury of shelling out all of your shekels for a first class seat. I, unfortunately, do not have that luxury. The TSA and Customs are still annoying processes to deal with. I appreciate what they are doing for our country by checking for illegal things, but I'm pretty sure you don't have to remove everything in my backpack and swab it with a sorry excuse for a Swiffer Duster, and then tell me to put everything back into my bag. And Customs, when you ask if anybody helped me pack my suitcase, is it worth mentioning that my brother sat on it while I zipped it up? Technically, he helped me pack. Oh, and don't make me fill out paperwork about declaring my purchases abroad aboard the plane as it's landing . How am I supposed to do that with my tray table in an upright and locked position, hmm? I will declare nothing, except for my independence. This is 'MURICA, goddammit!!

Now, one thing that never fails to intrigue me is that people clap when the plane lands. Meaning what? You would boo if the plane crashed? Something like, "Boo, I've seen better landings than that!! Boo, I'm on fire right now!! Boo, my leg is broken!!" Don't clap, the pilot is just doing his job. Do I clap when the waiter at a restaurant brings me my order? Okay, most times I do because I'm a picky eater, and it's fifty/fifty as to whether they'll get it right on the first try. That was a bad example.

Anyway, if you traveled this holiday season, I hope it went well. It's an exhausting process, and I'm just praying I get my energy back soon. Safe travels in the future.