I come from a long line of Jews who complain about long lines. Just a funny background statement. Anyway, I was walking home on Sukkot. What's Sukkot? Sukkot, or Sukkos for all you suckas out there, is the Jewish festival of the harvest, the feast of tabernacles. So I'm walking home and I saw a Sukka. I know, right? A Sukka on Sukkot? What are the odds? About as much chance as a bear shitting in the woods. A Sukka is a shack-like structure built in the middle of a field or campus, for all you nerds out there. Inside a Sukka, one usually sees fruits, vegetables, and Jews. So I'm just a lonely passerby, and no sooner do I begin to pass the Sukka, when two Jews emerge like bees from a hive, which is weird because they're not WASPS, they're Jews! One goes away from me, one comes towards me. He approaches me and asks "Excuse me, are you Jewish?" I clasp my hands to my nose and scream "No!" but its too late. I've been found out. Call the vacuum repair guy. He beckons for me to take what's in his hands. There's a lulav and an etrog. Time Out!! Now, a lulav resembles a piece of bamboo. And an etrog looks like a bumpy pear. I grasp the two plants, and begin to rub them together, to make a baby lultrog, I presume. I rub and rub, like a cricket, and I pray and pray, like a praying mantis. My enlightened soul floats like a butterfly and stings like an atheist. I return to my body. I had been reciting prayer and feel clammy. He takes the plants back and thanks me. I walk away, feeling like a Jew-ish person, betrayed by my own nose.