I'm not narcissistic, but...

  • I do think everybody is always talking about me all of the time.
  • I have to refrain from liking every single one of my statuses, posts, and tweets.
  • the one person that I would like to eat dinner with, if I could eat dinner with anybody, would be older me. 
  • Hollywood stole the rights to my life and made the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I have yet to see a single royalty check.
  • I'm pretty sure every girl I meet is "in to" me.
  • when I get a compliment, I'll shrug it off to see if I can get another one. 
  • if I make a joke and nobody hears it, I know at least one person heard it. 
  • I've yet to read a fortune cookie that doesn't directly apply to my life. 
  • I really am a huge fan of myself.