Double Trouble?

I have a twin brother who looks just like me (although I don't really see it!). However, we are in fact fraternal, meaning two separate seeds, two separate eggs, as opposed to a one seed, one egg freak-of-nature split (yeah I’m talking to you identical twins). In the deluxe version if this post, I have included the placenta report in an attempt to shut up the skeptics (there is no deluxe version, just take my word for it).

Let’s clear up some of the common misconceptions that have emerged over the years. Neither one of us is openly the evil twin. Get that through your head, OR ELSE!! I don't think we can communicate by thought, can we? (Hey stop thinking so loud, I'm trying to write.) If we could, I would know about it already. If you hit me, my brother doesn't feel it. You can punch me in the face until you and I are both red in the face (I'll be more of a blackish-blue red), but I can guarantee you that the only person feeling it will be me. And your hand.  Not my brother. Also, if you could refrain from looking at us as though we have two heads, I would appreciate it. I guess that’s two heads each totaling four, because we do have two heads but that's between the two of us. So that's the correct head to body ratio. You get what I'm saying. Now there's the grandest question of them all: "Who is smarter between the two of you?” Depending on which one of us you ask, you will get a different answer. I mean, we will both say I am, it's just a question of how much smarter we each think I am. I'll say a lot and he'll say a little. But I don't know if there is time to get into that debate now. So if we stand next to each other, side by side, then you will notice differences. It might take you a while to get the hang of it, that's ok. My family has been doing it for 20 years now and collectively they are scoring a B plus. So you know how difficult it is. But with a positive attitude and a mnemonic device you should be fine. It used to be said that I wore red and he wore blue, but that is about as reliable as picking the correct lottery numbers (of course I'm talking about the pick 3!). Whatever you decide, just remember, I'm not him, and he's not me. You are you, though. Now I didn't want to do this, but I'm going to give you my secret to telling us apart. I look at myself in the mirror and say “That's Charlie.” Then I flex and look for my muscles. But they hibernate for the better part of the year, so I usually don't see them. Well, now you know all you need to. No more confusion.

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