My New Apartment

There's a wasp nest in the bathroom,
Oh whatever should I do?
I tried madly flailing a broom
And yelling shoo-shoo-shoo.

That didn't seem to fix it;
In fact, more have assembled,
Packing together dirt and sh&%,
Until a honeycomb it resembled.

That is just one problem I found
With my new apartment,
A place that from top to ground
Should be condemned by the fire department.

It's an okay place to live in,
But up to code it definitely ain't,
Which maintenance's way of fixin'
Is to add a coat of paint.

More work needs to be done,
Of that you can be sure,
And it will not be any fun
Sweeping up the dusty wood floor.

But I think things will unfold,
And good times will be had.
It all depends on what the future holds
And whether it's good or bad.


Olympics 2012

"Wow, this women's individual foil fencing is intense."

The weird thing is that I actually said this. As a rule, I don't usually follow anything women do in sports, but I happened to turn on the TV and there was this fencing match. Despite the fact that every time that one girl scored I thought the other girl had scored, it was kind of interesting. And the reason I was able to see it is because the Olympics are on.

We are right in the middle of the Olympics. Competitors in gymnastics and diving have been defying gravity ever since those 30 Mary Poppins's fought Voldemort. The sport that I have caught the most of, however, has been swimming, or as it's more commonly known, Phelps versus Lochte. Phelps has 22 medals, 18 of which are gold. But do you know what? The gold medals aren't solid gold. They are gold plated silver. And then it only makes sense that the silvers are silver plated bronze, and the bronze are bronze plated chocolate. In other words, first is the worst and second is the best.

The Olympics are a fun distraction from real sports. It's a shame we only have them once every two years (winter/summer). But it does make it easier to catch up on all of my TV shows.

P.S. McDonald's is sponsoring the Olympics. That's like Coca-Cola sponsoring a telethon for diabetes.

On The Boardwalk

I almost forgot to write something this week. What if that happened? Think of the disappointed fan. Anyway, I remembered but really don't have much to say. I'm going to Atlantic City for a couple days this week. It's an annual vacation I take once a year. While I'm gone, please review my hilarious previous posts. And after the three funny ones, you can read the other unfunny ones. Alright, well, have a good week.

That's News To Me

I decided to follow the news for a week so I could offer my thoughts on the stories out there. Let's begin...

A 17 year old boy was found to be the Kingpin behind a multi-million dollar drug ring in Cincinnati. 
How do the parents not find out about this? I mean, what are they smoking? (Probably some good shit) Any way, I don't know. It all sounds kind of doobie-ous.

Sewing needles were found inside turkey sandwiches on multiple Delta Airlines flights.
The pilots were asleep during the ordeal and declined to comment. Said one stewardess, "Oh that's where I left my needles." The TSA is trying to stitch together a story. On a side note, police are looking into how sandwiches got on the plane.

Women's IQs were found to be higher than men on average. 
Good, now they can figure out a way to make more sandwiches in a shorter amount of time. It's a win-win for everyone.


Laziness

I don't want to disappoint any of the ten people who care about this blog, but I am getting really lazy with it. I have so many ideas but never do anything with them. After this post I need to get my stuff together and stop being so lazy. I blame the summer and the heat. I should really focus from now on and give you guys funny things (why start now?). So after a few weeks of laziness, next week will be good. Or at least as good as any bar I've set for myself on here. Have I even set a bar for myself? No one can know for sure. (No, wait a minute. There it is. I see it. Man, that's high up. It looks like I picked the wrong day to be afraid of heights.)

How's Your Summer Going?

Summer is flying by very quickly. Lately, the sky has been lighting up like the Fourth of July, because of the thunderstorms that we have had and also the Fourth of July. I've been spending a lot of time on the golf course as a caddie and as a golfer and most of my time at the golf course waiting to caddie. I keep telling myself it's worth it. Other than that, I've been loafing around  and watching TV. Enjoy the rest of your summer and I'll see you next week.

Commercial #1

Do you have pain from an accident? Me too. I mentioned it to adults who dismissed it quickly. That's when my doctor recommended Bayer's Growing Pains Aspirin. For when you're a teenager and no one takes you seriously. Possible side affects may include nausea, vomiting, dizziness, shortness of breath, weight gain, and in sever cases, gas. Do not operate heavy machinery while taking Bayer's Growing Pains Aspirin. Women who are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant shouldn't be teenagers. So when you're all alone, and no one believes you are hurt, take Bayer's Growing Pains Aspirin.