Wow, the place looks great! Haven’t been here in a bit but it’s like nothing’s changed; a few cobwebs here and there but you know what they say — when life hands you cobwebs, make a cobweb salad. Eek, that one had a spider in it.

*inaudible high-pitched profanities*

It was an accident, geez! Mouth on that little guy… Anyway, year 11! What a momentous occasion to gather for my blog, which is aging like a fine wine — slightly orange and very dry after 11 years. Must be a rosé.

Wait! 11/11 and it’s turning 11? It’s coincidences like these that make me believe in a higher meaning and a right-where-we-should-be situation. Let’s all sit here a moment. Hmmmmm…..

Now, this is typically the steel anniversary, so mail me any metal gifts, but I have enough steel beams. Please do not send any more steel beams. I’m serious. We’re drowning in steel beams. I put out one “Beam Me Up, Bloggy” request on Reddit and the Internet came through in a big way. Too big of a way.

I need to share some feedback after all my time and effort doing this. So, here’s my dos and dont’s list:

Do - steal a kiss from me when you see me.

Don’t - send me a steel beam.

Do - still read this blog, as frequently as when I post a post.

Don’t - read this and send me a steel beam.

Do - steel yourself to the insults and criticisms of others. Validation comes from within.

Don’t - find a girder on the street and send it my way.

Do - put your mettle to the test and find out what you’re worth. You owe that to yourself.

Don’t - send me metal to test. I’ll stress it in my hydraulic press and keep the scraps. You know I will. I still have shit from college.

Do - beg, borrow, and steal to change the country, like Hamilton when he was changing the country.

Don’t - send me metal candlesticks. The hell am I supposed to do with a candlesticks? I’d rather have steak beams. No, wait, I have enough.

Do - root for the Pittsburgh Steelers. They’re pretty far back in the division and could use some love.

Don’t - ask me to watch your stuff while you go to the bathroom, then leave without telling me, and saddle me with your backpack full of steel beams.

Do - watch Man of Steel. Superman is the best!

Don’t - show me a kitschy magazine where I can order miniature versions of larger things. You know I’m ordering those little steel beams.

Do - watch Steel Magnolias. It’s a good cry.

Don’t - cry over spilled milk made of steel beams. That’s my job.

Please follow these. It’s my biggest piece of advice that I have from 11 years of this blog. And now I’m having the realization that this place doesn’t look great. I’m a hoarder, it turns out. Let me and not think about this till next year.

Ouch!!!

I hit my toe on a steel beam.