Alright, since you all love a themed month, and I’ve got nothing doing, let’s do a themed January for my 30th, dirtieth birthday at the end of the month. Last year’s Golden birthday was spent during a raging pandemic, and this years 30th won’t look much different. So let’s celebrate untold quips and lines from my first 30 years. Sayings that have helped me get to where I am today, the man you read before you. Here we go:

My childhood was uneventful, or as my therapists calls that, a lie.
Growing up, I didn’t have friends; I had a twin brother and a bowling ball, sometimes both.
Living with my family in 5 different houses for the first 24 years of my life prepared me for the last 6 years in New York City, where I’ve lived in 4 different places.
If you don’t like numbers, we can’t be friends. We can be acquaintances, enemies, relatives, coworkers, or lovers, but not friends.
I’ve been diagnosed with FOMOOTIL: fear of missing out on things I like. The cure is a medicine also called Fomootil.
You say half full, I say half empty. Let’s call the whole thing half.
I feel like water bottles are the new matchboxes; I’ve got a drawer full of them and can’t possibly use them all up. Also, I don’t want to get any wet.
Take a picture of yourself doing everything. You’ll never know when you’ll need to look at it again.
“Bills, bills, bills!” - an adult duck rooting for Buffalo football.
Nostalgae - Some pond scum I haven’t thought about in 25 years.
Perfect is the enemy of good, but they’ve forgotten what they’re fighting about.
I don’t want to admit it, but emails that address me by name are kind of sexy.
Actually, time keeps on slipping into the past, Steve Miller Band. Adjust yourselves accordingly.
I’m starting to think that every concert doesn’t feature The Doors, cause I’ve never seen them play, even though on the ticket it says “Doors at 6:30.”
Now, for just the price of 20 cups of coffee every month, you too can have 16 subscription services.
I don’t believe in coincidences. Oh, you don’t either? Wow, what a logical thing to think along the same lines as me on.
Molekools - “For Atoms That Smoke!”
A screwdriver, a nail gun, and rope, but make it fasten.
Always keep a few different balls in the air. Really make an attempt to piss off professional jugglers.
I never did grow into any of the clothes that my mom bought for me, but hey, that’s what my thirties are for.
“May the Farce be With You” - An upstairs, downstairs British comedy set in the Millennium Falcon. C3PWhoops!
Nice guys finish last. I usually finish first. Therefore, by the transitive property, I’m mean as hell, honey.
If at first you don’t succeed, sucking seed might not be right for you.
Cardio diem: Seize the workout.
Non sequitur - I hardly know her!
I shouldn’t grow fresh herbs inside because I forget to water them and there’s no sunlight. That’s some pretty sage advice.
I love to misjudge people by how fun they are. I call it funderestimating them.
Taste everything. Waste not a thing. Paste a thing. Baste a Turkey.
I want to have “wear a backpack on the chest” energy, but I regularly give off “wear two identical puffy jackets at the same time” energy, you know, the creepy one.
Take the scenic route whenever possible. Who knows? You might actually see Nick!

Again, these are all ideas and things I’ve lived by for a long, good while and now I get to share them with you. These helped me get to here. An online journal. Ok cool!