Holey Moley

Woah! Hole-y moley! I just got back from (you’ll never guess where)… that black hole they discovered four weeks ago. Don’t ask me how, but I went to check out the rent prices, cause I’m always looking for a deal. Well, let me tell you, prices were astronomical. Actually, it was a literal timeshare, and I don’t have the mental capacity for any spiels or schlemiels right now. Just deals, baby!

So, my only logical question now is, what else have I missed in the last four weeks?

  • Game of Thrones returned to tell us that winter is coming. Judging by how much snowy weather I’ve seen on the show, I think a meteorologist would say it’s already here. It doesn’t take all of the remaining characters to tell us that. Shut up, Bran!

  • The Mueller Report was released, and we found out that President Trump is [Redacted], although we can’t say [Redacted] anymore, so now we have to call him mentally challenged.

  • The unofficial stoner holiday of 420 coincided with the official Jewish holiday of Passover. I tried to infuse the two, by celebrating PuffPuffPassover #grassover420 with dank, bitter herb, a lot of thought provoking questions, and a whole lot of Matzoh to munch on.

  • Significant, spoiler heavy parts of The Avengers: Endgame were leaked online prior to the movie’s release. I watched the footage, and it was just 10 minutes of Thanos watching beat poetry, snapping, and the poet disappearing. Boring!!

  • Joe Biden has announced his bid for presidency, stating that he’s very touched by the support he’s received. “Now you know how we feel,” said every woman he’s ever met. “I hope it smells your hair,” they chanted collectively.