Hiatus? I Hate This. Here’s Some Pages.

Wow! Been a minute, huh? I hate to not post regularly on here. This is my roots, my bread and butter, my money maker (currently makes me no money). I started here and I’m not going anywhere, I’m just taking power naps because I have to wake up so early everyday. Which reminds me; about a month ago I tried being an artist and did morning pages on the subway. I wrote on a notepad while folks dropped money in my hat. Quietest showtime ever, I was told. And what came from it was about one and a half pages of stream of consciousness bullshit. That’s the point, I think.

“To get out the bullshit, or not get out the bullshit. That is the question.” - Hamlet

Anyway, lets see what’s usable from these pages. My vote is for nothing being usable, but don’t go by me. I always bet against myself so that I can simultaneously win and lose. I know, I know. I’m weird. Here are the page(s):

“Hello! This is my first attempt at writing morning pages. Going pretty well so far, I think. Whoops, I’m stuck! Jk, it’s very easy. It’s early on in the process and the day. They should call these the late night early morning pages because I don’t enjoy waking up at 2 am to write. I like to wake up at 2 am to pee and then go back to sleep. As I write this I’m late for work on the train, a theme with me these days. I’m writing long hand, i.e. no computer, and it’s bumpy, but I’m pretty good at it. Positivity is key with this kind of stuff.

The temptation to reach for my phone or something else to do is hard, but I’m resisting it. This is brand new for me and everyone talks about it being such a good idea so figured why not start now. Three long hand pages will be a lot to do so I won’t require it. I’ll get as far as I can on the train and that’ll be it. This will free me up for sketch editing later on tonight while I bartend. Wow, is the temptation to stop this and pull my phone out really strong. Like really strong. Fuck! Let me cry it out!

My headphones are already broken. Apple needs to get their shit figured out or else they won’t stay in business. Nah, I guess they’ll be fine.

The train is stopped at 7th Ave for longer than I’d like. Man, I gotta stop being late to work. It’s just a matter of waking up earlier. Or going to bed earlier. Or both. But I stayed up to make food and record a podcast. That’s  important stuff. I use the word stuff a lot. Is that professional? Doesn’t feel like it. 

Boy, this makes me fidgety now. There’s a mentally unwell person on the train who keeps yelling. By now, the train gets so crowded that it’s standing room only, everyday. I’m trying to put together a new sketch show of my old sketches, but I need to edit them first to make them more coherent/cohesive. So I’ll do that tonight.

Everything has to line up trainwise for me to make it today. Let’s not sit in the station too long. I gotta catch that F. If I can get on one at 8:00 am, there’s a slim chance I can make it to work on time. The guys phone brightness next to me is cranked all the way up to full it seems. Necessary? I don’t think so. But maybe it helps him. Why do I judge? I shouldn’t.

Almost grabbed for my phone again. Nice try, me! But I stopped it before I did. What will the phone do? This is really fidgety. I’m anxious writing all of this. Three pages long hand is maybe a goal to work towards, not something to be perfected on try #1.

I looked at my phone for the first time. Ugh. But it was falling out of my pocket, so maybe I had a good reason to touch it. Look at me try to justify it. So sad. I’mma stop now.”