Well, it's been a while, but over the weekend I got to go back to Atlantic City, which John Mulaney accurately described as "Las Vegas but with more belligerent Philadelphia fans." My girlfriend and I went specifically to see him at the Borgata, and I snorted once during his act. That should tell you everything that you need to know about that. We got to enjoy some long overdue casino time, as well as some beach hours that were really nice. The water was warm in a way that AC sometimes gets at the end of the summer. Plus, I saved a ton of money on Uber rides using Ibotta (use this code to start using Ibotta today: yyppvcf). Also, if Ibotta wants to start sponsoring this blog, all they have to do is ask! *wink*)

Let's start with the rough part of the trip. I guess I'm a masochist because for some reason I booked Greyhound tickets to/from Atlantic City. A few years ago I wrote a piece of satire on here skewering Greyhound for their "way of conducting bus rides," or lack thereof. It was called Tweets from a Greyhound and it was as accurate then as it is now. Because if the bus is an hour late out of New York, Greyhound feels no need to let you know that. Also, if you buy a ticket from Atlantic City to New York, they don't feel the need to let you know that the bus might "fill up" and that your ticket is "for the day, not the time on the ticket." Needless to say, that bus that they carjacked and loaded us onto on the way back was Greyhound equivalent. And by Greyhound equivalent, I mean it had wheels and an engine. The buses also promise wifi, but Comcast promises wifi too, and look how well that turned out! (By the way, someone let Greyhound know that I'm not accepting their sponsorship. They can stop sending me letters. Comcast, eh, let's see how I feel.)

We stayed in an Airbnb, which ended up being delightful. It was only five walkable day blocks and one uber ride night block away from everything. The Missing Persons song should've been "Nobody Walks in AC" because at night it's gets pretty sketchy and you could become a missing person. The lady was super accommodating and we had one room upstairs to ourselves. There was another couple next door in a second room, but we didn't talk to them because we are antisocial. We had access to her house and stuff but didn't really use any of it. Airbnb is one of those things that sounds nice in theory but can really go either way. "Have I invited monsters into my house? Let's wait and see when they show up in the middle of the night." See what I mean? If Airbnb wants to sponsor the blog, however, I'd gladly sell their brand.

The casinos. Oh the casinos. An adult arcade. I'm a sucker for a good casino. It's been a long time, I think since 2015, that I'd even been to a casino. So when I sat down and immediately turned $20 into $60 at the slots, I said let's press our luck and turned the $60 back into $20. The hardest part of gambling is knowing when to stop. From then on, I went around the casino screaming "I have a system," as only a true gambling addict knows how to do. I did have a system, though. You put in $20, play it until it's above $20, cash out, then put the original $20 back in and repeat. It couldn't be more foolproof. Anyway we broke even the first two days. Foolproof! Last day, I tried to sit down at tables that I had no business playing. "If you don't know the rules, you don't have the tools," that's my motto. So I lost $120. Its fine. I budgeted $200 and stuck to it, with money to spare. Look at that. Foolproof!

And finally, the food was great. I love dining out at fancy restaurants with good food. It's one habit that my parents taught me that stuck. I can't do it everyday, unless anyone of these sponsors wants to kick in (*cough* Ibotta *cough*). But still the Borgata has a ton of nice eating establishments. We ate at the modern Japanese food place but I'm sure the others are great too. It was so dimly lit in there that I couldn't see what we ordered, but I know it turned out ok because the food was good. Our Sunday brunch was even better, and we took home a bunch of food that we ate yesterday. The leftovers were a pain to carry through the casino after brunch, but that's the price you pay for doing some last minute gambling. Well, that, and $120.

It was fun and we are ready to do it again next weekend? Oh, we can't? Why not? Ugh fine. Not next weekend, but soon. Soonish. Next year.