Fantasy Football

Well, it's that time of year again. As we wave goodbye to summer with one hand, we catch a football, throw a football, and drink a beer with the other hand (that's our more dominant hand, anyway). Why do we do this? Because, much like school, football is back in session! It's time to gather up your jerseys and start wearing them to work and on the weekends. And also, it's time to join a fantasy football league.

Fantasy football is like an onion to me. It has too many layers and it makes me cry. Also, there are too many players and that makes me cry too because I don't know what I'm doing. But when the guys at work ask me to join their league, what am I supposed to say? This could be my only chance to make work fun. I can't pass that up. (I briefly considered doing a page of football term/team name puns but that would be a GIANTS mistake.) So I'm going to pick in the draft tomorrow, or at least auto draft and live with the consequences while pretending that I made each choice. "I know I chose Kaepernick. He's doing great things, I think?"

I guess we will just wait to see how this goes. I'm not much of a sports watcher, although I successfully fooled a focus group into thinking that I was, so I'm actually a good liar. Ever since I got to college and found out that on Sundays people go out and do things besides watching sports, I just haven't been able to go fully back to watching sports. It doesn't do as much for me as it does for anybody else who you ask. I see people paint their faces and crush beer cans on their heads and I wonder if that hurts or not?

And I don't know the first thing about football players. I don't know their stats, their hopes, their fears, their dreams. I just know the teams (and honestly there's room for improvement there too). So who knows how this will go. But it's a new experience and I'll probably lose money. I've never lost money this way before, though, so there's your silver lining's playbook. Ooh! Playbook! That's one of them sports things, right?