LA: Part 2 - Coulda, Shoulda, Hollywooda

Alright people, I finally did it. I made it out to L.A. I've never felt more alive and scared in my life. Alive because this is where TV and film magic take place and the stars live, and scared because the other half of the population that lives here is made up of tourists and hobos. Five minutes on Hollywood Boulevard is enough to to turn the most relaxed and accepting person into a full fledged racist. Like even Gandhi would have a problem. He'd be like (in a strong Indian accent) "What the hell are you doing? Get out of my way. You stupid, stupid person. Your CD means nothing to me. Don't you know that that theater is not really Chinese?" Stuff like that. (L.A. Tour Fact #1: Did you know that Grauman's Chinese Theater is the only movie establishment in the world that sells chicken fried rice instead of popcorn?) 

The first night there I went to the Universal Studios City Walk. That was pretty cool. It's just restaurants and overpriced shops, but hey, it's the universal experience: throngs of people, live music, and food. I had a good time. Saturday is when I took the van tour of L.A. and "saw" all of the celebrity houses. I took a lot of good front gate shots. Lots of good hedge shots. That was also when I saw the Hollywood sign and had lunch at The Grove. Those were two cool things.

After that tour, I rested and came back to Hollywood Boulevard because I'm a masochist. Also, I had to take ten thousand more pictures of the Walk of Fame with my feet and/or someone else's feet in the shot. (L.A. Tour Fact #2: I jut invented and app that will automatically crop your or someone else's feet out of any picture that you take on the Walk of Fame. Look for it in Google Play and the App Store. It's called L.A. Feet Delete.)

Next, I went to Meltdown Comics. That's where the Nerdist Podcast started. That's basically ground zero of my podcast life. Now, what I should have done was plan to go and research what was going on there before I arrived. The day of, I found out that they were taping episodes of the TV show 'The Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail' there. So I just showed up and got to look around the store while minor celebrities and comedians stood outside and walked right by me. I was really excited. I can finally put a face to the store that I've heard so much about. 

After that, I went to the Comedy Store. It's not actually a store; it's more of a breeding ground for comedians that has so much history rooted in it that I believe it's haunted. That was awesome. Not as cool as the Comedy Cellar, but still really nice. I got to see one of my favorite comedians, Marc Maron. He even looked directly at me at one point. My only problem with sitting towards the front of the theater is that you have to always look like you're smiling and enjoying the show, or the comedian will pick on you. It's just not feasible for me to smile that long. My jaw starts to hurt. If you've ever seen me, my natural face is resting Bitch face. Don't worry, I smile, I just do it with my eyes. People never know that I'm really enjoying something. And that's ok, I guess.

The day after that, I went to Universal Studios and rode every ride because I whined to a park worker who went and got me three fast pass tickets. I don't do lines (except coke!). The backlot tour is amazing. Go and do it!

Overall, I liked L.A. a lot. It's just a very intimidating and spread out place to work or live. I can not imagine starting out there. I'd get lost and wind up in the bad part of L.A., or as I call it, Hollywood/Sunset Boulevard. You want pawn shops? They've got pawn shops!

Next week it's all over. I get to finally join the family business of collecting unemployment checks.  Everything is temporary and nothing lasts, so I think I'll be ok. I don't know. Let's wait and see. Peace!