Valentine's Day is this Saturday. To people like me, that means nothing. I'm single. But to people who are not single, it means a lot of romantic dinners. When I think of a romantic dinner, I picture a full bottle of fancy wine. That's fine. When I picture a single person, I also think of a bottle of wine, but this time it's at home, the person is alone, and they are trying to drown their feelings of loneliness. Except that drinking a bottle of wine alone is not a good idea. There are 5 stages to drinking a bottle of wine.

Stage 1: Denial. "I'm not going to drink this whole bottle of wine. No way. Nuh uh. Nope. Not gonna do it!! I have to be up in the morning."

Stage 2: Anger. "Somebody take this f***ing bottle of wine away. It's half empty. I can't drink the whole God damn thing by myself Ahhh!!!" (Throws wine glass at wall and shatters it.)

Stage 3: Bargaining. (New wine glass in hand.) "Are you there God? It's me, Charlie. I will never drink again, ever. All I need from you is to be given the strength to resist these last two glasses of this bottle of wine. Ok? We good?"

Stage 4: Depression. (Starting to slur words.) "You know what? I don't really have anything going for me, do I? No, no I don't. I really don't want to finish this last glass of wine. I can't. I'm tired and need to go to bed. But I can't get off the couch. Nothing matters. I could easily throw myself down the stairs."

Stage 5: Acceptance. (Heavily slurring words.) "Hey. Look!! I finished the bottle. What an accomplishment! I've done what I set out to do, and I did it all by myself. I'm gonna go to bed now." (Stands up and falls back down, passed out.)

That's how it's goes. Happy Valentine's Day!!