Halloween is quickly approaching, like a really fast ghost. And you've probably already figured out what you are going to be. If you haven't, there is still time, I think. I don't know. They said today that meat gives you cancer, so if that's the case, we'll all be dead within the hour. Plan quickly!

I have a confession to make. I'm not trying to be a buzzkill, but I just don't really get that into Halloween. My version of a fun Halloween is to carve a pumpkin, roast the seeds, and eat them while watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I just don't know any other way to do it. Don't worry, I've been to parties, but I usually show up in no costume or a costume that was thrown together last minute, like that time I tied a balloon to my wrist brace and went as a "cast party." Clever wordplay doesn't really get a big reaction; a sexy walrus does.

Have a safe and happy Halloween. Do it better than me, please. If you read the above paragraph, that shouldn't be too hard. Just celebrate it in any way. At all.

Big announcement coming next week. Be on the lookout for it. All good, I think. Oh, and here's a throwback, sort of. It's a joke I wrote about Halloween. I like it.

"Last Halloween, I dressed up as a ghost. I bought the full costume off of Amazon. It came with the white garb, gloves, and a mask. And I wore everything, excpet for the mask. Because there is a fine line between ghost and Ku Klux Klan member. You know, between Casper... and Jasper. Between spectre... and burning cross erector. Between spook... and no spooks. There's a fine line."