Can you believe that Halloween is actually on a Friday this year? It's shocking, not just because I'm dressing up as a thunderstorm by gluing cotton balls to myself and walking around with only a pair of socks on, but because it affords everyone ample time to party on Halloween. Parents are going to have to wait until really late for their kids to go to bed so they can go eat all of the candy. Personally, I wouldn't be caught dead Trick or Treating this year. (Wait, wouldn't I?) That's why I'll be inside, throwing the candy at each kid who comes to the door like it's their Bar (or Bat!) Mitzvah. That'll shock the parents and the kids. Also, Mischief Night on a Thursday just seems wrong, you know, like drinking beer through a straw. Mischief Night should be on a Sunday, or some holy day of the week. Wednesday sounds good. Nevertheless, enjoy Halloween this year. It'll be real spooky, I'm sure. Carve a pumpkin. Dress up like a slutty houseplant. Do whatever you want. You do you.

It might seem like I was rambling this week, but i actually meant to write this. Now there's a real shocker!!